The Tragic Tale of Humphrey the Pig

I have finally gotten around to writing the tale of Humphrey. It is very tragic though, so beware.

One sunny day in April, Humphrey the pig set out for a walk across the Yellow Plains. Humphrey had trouble navigating the plains, for alas, he had no legs. Another strange feature was his odd color. He was a blueish green with turquoise ears and tail.

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On this particular April day, Humphrey decided to head north east instead of heading north west like he usually did. He had been walking (although you could hardly call his movement ‘walking’) for about ten minutes when he came upon a small heap of tinfoil. The heap had a flag on top of it that said “ISSES®“.

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Humphrey noted that the tinfoil heap smelled of chocolate. Wondering what the smell could be coming from, he leaned his weight against the tinfoil, causing it to fall the ground.

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Suddenly a gear started to spin in Humphrey’s small brain and he realized that this was a Hershey Kiss. He had never encountered one so large before! The biggest he had seen was one the size of his snout.

Humphrey didn’t dwell on the size of the Hershey Kiss for long. He quickly peeled away the foil to reveal luscious chocolate – enough to feed the whole population of LGCPA (Little Green Clay Pigs of America) for at least a week. (Though Humphrey was the only member of the LGCPA, he had a large appetite. Especially when it concerned chocolate.)

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Humphrey took a large bite of the Hershey Kiss. It was the best chocolate he had ever tasted.

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But he almost spat the chocolate-y goodness out when the Hershey Kiss righted it self, opened it’s eyes, and screamed a blood-curdling scream. This was all quite traumatizing for poor Humphrey who had no idea that the (1) the Hershey kiss was alive, (2) the Hershey Kiss had eyes, and (3) the Hershey Kiss could scream. His small brain picked up on this quickly though, and he began slowly backing away.

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He was stopped in his tracks by what he thought was an earthquake. The Yellow Plains shook and loud rumblings filled the air. But the worst was yet to come. In seconds, the rumblings ceased as a gargantuan mound of silvery foil – twice as big as the Hershey Kiss that Humphrey had bitten – came into view.

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Humphrey leaned back to get a better view of the colossal mound and saw that it was another huge Hershey Kiss. He started shaking in fright as he stared at the huge hunk of chocolate.

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The Hershey Kiss sent down a terrible paper-y tentacle and wrapped it tightly around Humphrey. It was able to do this because Humphrey was rooted to the ground in fear. He also had a small brain, as I have mentioned before.

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The Hershey Kiss lifted Humphrey up until he was level with it’s face. Then it opened its eyes (Humphrey still didn’t understand how the eyes had popped out of nowhere) and said in a loud voice, “LEAVE MY SON ALONE!”

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And with that, it turned and headed away, carrying Humphrey with it.

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Later that evening, the smaller Hershey Kiss sat down to delicious supper of bacon. An odd color, no doubt, but delicious nonetheless.

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And that is how the LGCPA came to an end.
megan signoff

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54 thoughts on “The Tragic Tale of Humphrey the Pig

  1. *Sobs*
    NO, NOT HUMPHREY! NOT THE POOR PIG! MEGAN HOW DARE YOU. THERE IS NO REASON FOR ME TO LIVE ANYMORE AFTER BEING SCARRED BY THIS. GOODBYE WORLD. I MUST JOIN HUMPHREY IN HEAVEN.
    😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    R.I.P.
    HUMPHREY AND MYA

    Liked by 1 person

  2. OH MY! POOR HUMPHREY! You really meant it when you said it’d be tragic XD . The talking kisses were pretty funny though! XD
    LGCPA Little Green Clay Pigs of America, Haha!
    This was quite the interesting, unique story! It’s a very imaginative idea! XD How’d you get the big “Daddy” kiss? (Or was it a “mommy” kiss… 😮 )

    Liked by 1 person

  3. *wipes tear* How tragic. I am very sorry for your loss of, er, the Little Green Pigs of America.
    Rest in pieces of bacon, Humphrey. *sobs* (I’ve never had green bacon. XD )
    -Sara ❤

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      1. *sobs* Why, Kisses, why? I’ve always loved Hershey Kisses, but after this, I’m not so sure. 😥
        (But your green bacon looked very real! XD )

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  4. ……

    oh my.

    such violence.

    Haha, but this reminds me of my Threepio and his strange adventures- I feel so bad for Humphrey though! Bacon-eating chocolate? The very idea is…
    weirdly, it makes sense.

    Oh dear.

    Like

  5. AHHHHH!!! This was so tragic, like, how did you come up with something like that!!?? *bursts out bawling* Humphrey got eaten??? BY HERSHEY KISSES???? *runs away screaming* *looks over shoulder* Is there giant kisses coming to get us? Hahaha!
    This really was funny though, even though it was tragic, as you said it would be. I like the way you think up stories and such, its so cool!

    P.S. I found a house thing at a thrift store that looked exactly like an inchworm house and I instantly thought of you when I saw it. I wish you couldn’t have bought it!! 😀

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  6. Ahhh plot twist!! I was not expecting the bacon part. *bursts into tears*😭😭Alas, Humphrey met his end. (I’m a little frightened of Hershey kisses now.)
    It first I was imagining Humphrey to be about the size of a dinner roll (sorry, I can’t think of any other comparison) but when the kisses got onto the scene, I could see the scale. I thought that was cool.😄What a creative post!

    Like

  7. Wow…that was … depressing. How could you hurt poor Humphrey!?? Much less kill him! You just about made me cry! 😦 XD How cruel… XD 😉 Wow…. That really is pretty sad though… you’d better make up for it with another happy photostory. Because that was just… brutal. XD

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      1. XD Haha! It’s… you kind of implied it though… if it hadn’t been then there should still be the green pig association or whatever… XD haha! 😉

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      2. Argh! Only two hours short! XD Haha!! 😉 I was out doing chores when you sent that! XD Haha!!! Binky is SOOOO CLOSE to having her piglets!

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      3. She could have them any day now! She looked closer last night. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had them within the next couple days! :O :O Actually, that’s a really good point and I didn’t even THINK about names! XD Haha! I was so busy looking up things on how to help them give birth and what to do and where to put them etc etc etc etc that I didn’t think about names! :O I don’t have any I guess!!! You should help me out! 😉 Should I name one Humphrey?? XD

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