Cat Opinions (Part 2 of Collab with Clara)

A little while ago I posted two dog’s opinions on certain topics. Now it’s the cat’s turn. Clara wrote Grover’s and I wrote Jinx’s. 🙂 We have Grover and Jinx. Grover chooses green and Jinx chooses ‘dignified blue’.

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Grover: Hello, humans. I am Grover, King Of All Cats. I’m going to give you my opinion on a few choice topics.

Jinx: Hello humans. You are about to read information that is very secret, so don’t go blabbing it to dogs.

 

1. Dogs

Dogs are horrid creatures. They are always happy and forgiving. They think that humans are better than us. Hah! Silly dogs. My human family’s dog tries to bite me sometimes.

 Humph! Slobbering fools. 

2. Dry or wet cat food?

What’s wet cat food? I guess it’s when water spills on your cat food… but nobody likes that… I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you mean. I’ve never tasted wet cat food.

 Neither. I believe the best meal for a proper cat is a fresh bird.

3. What is the best way to catch a mouse?

The best way to catch a mouse is to wait a little bit away from where it smells the strongest and then when the mouse comes out you pounce and play with it until the humans get made and tell you just to eat it and not let it get away.

 Use your superior skill to sneak up quietly on the tasty tidbit. Pounce and enjoy!

4. Grooming

Grooming is not very dignified, sadly, but it must be done. I wish there was a better way to lick you legs because when I stick it up in the air the humans laugh.

 I have a lovely thick coat that must be carefully maintained. I use my tongue to slick down my fluff to perfection.

5. Sleeping places

Some of my sleeping places are beds, dining room chairs, and wash baskets. Beat that, Grover!

 The best place to sleep is in the sun, laying on your back with your eyes closed. Relax and enjoy.

6. Tractors

I do not like tractors at all. They are rude, noisy, and very un-dignified. I keep my distance at all costs.

 What is a tractor?

7. Farm animals

Okay… Chickens: bad, Cows: horrid creatures, Rabbits: mmm.. they are okay I guess…

 These creatures are almost as low as dogs. I once had an unpleasant experience with a herd of goats. I was able to get the situation under control by spitting at them. 

8. Writing

Oh I am very great at writing. I am the best cat in the world and everyone adores my writing. It is very modest, very, very modest. Not other cat writes anything more humble than my pieces of writing.  

I am not sure what you are asking, humans. If you want my opinion on literature, I prefer the book The Cat In The Hat. I want a hat. It would complement my fur.

9. “Bad Cat”

Who cares? It’s just a strange human word that has great effect on dogs but none on a strong cat like me.

I am proud to inform you that no one has ever called me a “Bad Cat.” Obviously this is because I am perfect. Thank you for reading. I’m going to take a nap.